Risingshadow has the honour of publishing a guest post by Guy Adams.

Guy Adams is a no-good, pen-toting son of a bitch. Responsible for over twenty penny-dreadfuls and scientific romances such as The World House and the Deadbeat series. He has also worked with the Hammer Books Gang creating novelisations of their foul kinematographs and has been known to operate under the alias of John Watson M.D. writing novels featuring that pansy-ass detective Sherlock Holmes. He is wanted in several states and a reward is offered for anyone quick enough to slip a noose around his crooked neck. Further evidence of his crimes can be found on his Wild Western Waystation: www.guyadamsauthor.com.

GUEST BLOG: WHY YOU SHOULDN’T READ MY BOOK BY GUY ADAMS

I’ve got a new book out. Like a repeat offender the state simply can’t cure. This time it’s ONCE UPON A TIME IN HELL, the second in the HEAVEN’S GATE trilogy of weird westerns, published by Solaris.  It concerns cowboys and demons. It’s the book I’ve enjoyed writing the most throughout my career and I really hope people like it.

But I do hate filling up other people’s blogs with thinly-disguised sales pitches so I’ve decided to try something different. Here are some reasons you shouldn’t buy my book.

1. You Hate Trilogies.

Let’s get the tricky one out of the way shall we? HEAVEN’S GATE (like my books THE WORLD HOUSE and RESTORATION a few years ago) are part of one big story. This can be terribly annoying. Sorry.

To argue the merits of a linked trilogy of books is a blog post in and of itself but I understand if you don’t like it. Each book has its own tone and story to tell but they are courses in one larger meal. THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE INFERNAL was the starter, a prawn cocktail where the prawns were armed and angry. ONCE UPON A TIME IN HELL is the main course. A steak so rare it will fight you at the first prick of the fork. Soon there will be dessert, FOR A FEW SOULS MORE, banoffee pie with a crisp base of broken glass and bone fragments.

2. You Hate Westerns

Even really weird steampunky ones set in Hell.

If you hate that kind of thing it may get in the way of your pleasure. Like trying to have a really lovely holiday in Wolverhampton.

Sorry Wolverhampton.

3. You’re A Little Bit Squeamish

ONCE UPON A TIME IN HELL is slightly, well… bloodthirsty. I gave it to my mother to read and she's a robust thing. She was once seen to yawn during A TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. She thought it was, and I quote, “nauseous at times”.

I don’t want to mislead, there are far more horrible things to set your eyes on. This is not CANNIBAL FEROX ON HORSEBACK (though I now want to write that book immediately) but it will depend entirely on your tolerance for certain things.

4. You Don’t Like Jokes

I tend to favour a bit of banter in my dialogue. It’s how I speak. I never met a punchline I could avoid.

But, let us be clear, these books are not comedies. Unless you’re Dante in which case the book’s right up your street actually, welcome back from the dead, why not celebrate with a jolly read about where you’ve just been?

5. You Don’t Like Books

It’s an obvious one but, as any writer will tell you, the world seems to be filled with people who ‘hate reading’. I can only imagine the terrible state they get into staring angrily at road signs or microwave meal packaging or the labels on their medication.

I’m sure there are countless other reasons but I’m not going to keep trying to put you off, I have bills to pay.

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