Ocean of Lard

by Carlton Mellick III, Kevin L. Donihe
Release date: 2005
Type: speculative fiction
Genres: fantasy
Tags: bizarro fiction

Choose Your Own Mind-Fuck Fest #17. Illustrated by Terrasa Ulm.

A perverted, surreal, violent, hilarious, and absolutely fucked-up parody of those Choose Your Own Adventure books you used to read as a kid.

You're on the run from the cops and need to disappear somehow. Luckily you happen across a secret ocean in the middle of Wyoming. An undiscovered world of pirates and zombies that, according to maps, couldn't possibly exist. But here it is, a vast white sea that is made of some kind of greasy blubber substance instead of water. To escape, you must join the crew of one of the two ships at the dock. The first is a strange black cube-shaped vessel called The Eye World and the other is a totally punk rock pirate ship called The Rotten Sore. Which will you take?

If you board The Eye World, turn to page 21. If you take The Rotten Sore, turn to page 22. But choose wisely! You could find yourself screwing demonic faeries and a cyborg dominatrix on top of a pile of treasure, or you could end up as lunch for a team of floating telepathic walrus heads.

Ocean of Lard is a parody of that classic interactive fiction series that you adored as a kid, now filled to the brim with enough fucked up humor and perversions to satisfy you as an adult.

(updated 2015-01-24)

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